Dear Diary, Me & My Chronic Illness Thoughts

If you had pulled me aside at age 13 and told me in a years time your life is going to turn upside down I would have done so much more. It all happened so suddenly without any kind of warning and instantly I was made to grow up and live a completely different life to my original one. I didn’t get taught to live this life, I hadn’t grown up with this life, it was a matter of me learning to accept my situation I’m in and allow myself to grow into it. It’s hard, three years on it still breaks my heart that I’m not able to do half the things my friends can and accepting it is mentally draining. No one can imagine being stuck in a body that’s falling to pieces, I certainly couldn’t and wouldn’t have ever wanted too but it happened. 

At 14 years old my life had only just began, I was starting to figure out my future and what kind of person I wanted to grow into. I had just chosen what GCSE courses I was going to take and the wild parties had just began. I was naive, I was young and I hadn’t heard of anyone my age getting ill, I had my eyes closed to a whole other world that was surrounding me. 

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t ask why. Why me? Why did I end up with this life? But then it hits me, someone chose me to have this life as they knew in the end I could handle it. And you know what? I can! My illnesses have progressively gotten worse as time has gone on but I’ve learnt to live with that. 

I live by the quote 

                                “the only disability in life is a bad attitude”

yes, when it all happened I wanted to hide away and I did have a very negative attitude towards myself which I think was acceptable considering my circumstances but over the last year my attitude has completely changed and I feel so positive about my life despite everything which is going on. 

I try to do everything I physically can in my situation, I got my GCSE’s, I’m at college doing ALevels, I want to continue onto university and become the forensic scientist I’ve always dreamt about. I try my upmost hardest yet I do still have to have days off, I still have to cancel my plans but this doesn’t mean I’m boring nor am I lazy. This is what us people fighting chronic illnesses have to do, it hurts when people judge and assume things of us. Nothing frustrates me more than the fact I can’t work, I’d love nothing more than to be able to earn my own money but it’s physically not possible right now. I long to live a normal life but that won’t ever happen. 

At nearly 18 years of age, I’ve learnt life isn’t easy. It throws obstacles at you but jump over them. To those who are healthy, be grateful and live life to the full. 

“whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrow’s” 

to those fighting battles, don’t let life bring you down. Get back up, face it with every bit of strength you’ve got and battle on to try and live the life you want. 

On that note I’ll leave it there, i hope your all well!

Tons of love as always, 

Elle xo

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2 comments

  1. Happy to see you with such a positive mindset Elle – I hope you’re doing well since we last spoke. Acceptance is such a lengthy process, I don’t think we ever fully accept it all but we do learn to fight what’s there to be fought, and that doesn’t include ourselves. But you are so tough, if courage could knock down walls then you’d be sitting on a pile of rubble. 😉

    Sending my love & hugs.

    Elise Xxx

    Like

    • I couldn’t have ever gotten through this journey without you! You’ve supported me through so much over the last three years and I really do appreciate your kind words! Your one in a million. It sure isn’t easy to accept the concept of never getting better but positivity is one thing I’ve learnt I must have throughout the process. Proud of you girlie.
      Loads of love and hugs xxxxx

      Like

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